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    Almost A Square

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    Most Popular Songs (more)

    1Plastic Guns lyrics
    2To think you think lyrics
    3Something Dark and Ominous lyrics
    4Our Rape Dungeon has Carpet lyrics
    5Outlaw lyrics
    6HorRAWR on Broadway lyrics
    7Simplicity (at it's best) lyrics
    8Thieves Landing lyrics
    9Convenience is not a Good Hiding Spot lyrics
    10Riff 14 lyrics

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    Almost a Square,
    Whilst fighting the battle for the Ancient Kingdom of The Golden Egg, Sam a Slave trader from the Northern Plains bumped into a very quiet but very skilled Drug trafficker by the name of Kelloggs after a few pints and a few pounds of crack they decided they would be an unstoppable duo and claim the Golden Egg for themselves.

    The two of them fought many battles together, but it was during the Battle of Fakilant on their way to the Golden Egg, they fought their way through the Betrothed Witches of Eldonix and into the Fortress of Defiance.

    It was there in the Fortress of Defiance where Sam & Kelloggs would stumble upon a very successful Gun Runner from West Whilshire who would make their duo a trio, he went by the name Doom Master but they just called him Ryan to save time.

    Sam, Kelloggs and Ryan conquered the Fortress of Defiance with all but a simple spell Kelloggs had learnt back in the days of King Gonzulious, though that story is for another time.

    The Trio traveled from the Fortress of Defiance through the Wall of Death Nomsters and into the Fiery Caves of Tavalanck where they stumbled upon a very Lonesome Prostitute known as Ruby. The Trio had only heard of Ruby in old folktales their parents and the village drunk would tell, the idea they would ever stumble upon this beast was very surreal.

    Ruby dragged his used and diseased body up to Kelloggs and propositioned him for sex, appalled Kelloggs back handed Ruby before he caught some strange and outlandish disease. The Trio discussed what they should do with this disease ridden beast. For hours the bickering went on and on until they finally reached the decision they would put a collar and lead on Ruby and call him Philip.

    Philip would go on to be the trios Faithful Dog who would help them reach the Door to the Golden Egg and then become a meal.

    After the Trio battled their way through the Fiery Caves of Tavalanck it was time for their final and most brutal challenge they would have to travel into the Chamber of the Golden Egg and slay the Egg Keeper....

    As the Trio made their way into the Dungeon of the Keeper they noticed that amongst all the dead there was still life in the Dungeon, though not in good health they helped this mysterious Man down from his chains. They asked the odd looking Young Blood for a name he looked up at the Trio and told them his name was Jack Jiga of the Highlands of Returil he was a master in Human Trafficking and had sold humans far and wide.

    He then went on to tell the tale of how he was captured by Ciglax the Dungeon Lord whilst trying to catch himself a Golduck and was raped numerous times till his testicles we removed via his mouth.

    The Trio and their dog spoke amongst themselves for awhile and came to the agreement they would add this Jiga character to their Trio. They all agreed he bared striking similarities to a certain duck with psychic powers and that, that may come useful at some point.

    From that moment on the Trio and their dog became Almost a Square an unstoppable force not to be fucked with.

    Almost a Square continued on their journey toward the Golden Egg as they reached the Door which would lead them to what was the Greatest Battle of All Time. Jiga suggested it be a good idea they spare some time to rest and eat so they wouldn't enter battle fatigued.

    As the Men scuffled, searched and emptied their pockets inside out they soon realized a biscuit and a packet of noodles was no meal for even one Man before The Greatest Battle of All Time. The Men spoke amongst themselves, after a lot of bickering and Paper, Scissors, Rock they decided their loyal companion Phillip would become their meal.

    After a Joyous Nom Time thanks to a recipe from Kelloggs's Vietnamese Cookbook the Men decided it was time to break down the door which they had come so far to reach, kill the Egg Keeper and claim the Golden Egg once and for all.
    Almost a Square lined up at the Door to the Golden Egg and counted hastily backwards from ten like so tennineeightsevensixfivefourthreetwoone, with that they forced open the Door to the Golden Egg only to be greeted by the Egg Keeper himself.

    This so called Egg Keeper stood 9 feet high, wore a face that said "Kill me, my mother was a whore", and had a body that looked like an inside-out asshole.
    Shocked by just how Ugly the Egg Keeper was they were slow to react to the fireballs the creature had thrown their way. Luckily Kelloggs had been prepared for this and had cast Protection on himself and his party before breaking down the door. Kelloggs quickly struck back with a fierce and powerful Thunder strike which seemed to stumble the beast.

    Whilst Kelloggs was keeping the Keeper entertained Sam ran up behind the beast and Lunged his Sword right into the Spine of this retched accident, as his sword pierced the skin of the Keeper it fell to its knees screaming in agony.

    As Ryan prepared for the final attack it was up to Jiga and Kelloggs to keep The Keeper distracted. As Sam hacked at its spine and Kelloggs continued to stumble the beast with thunder strike after thunder strike. Jiga revealed his secret attack, he put his hands into his pants and from out of nowhere whipped out a Giant Elephant.

    The Elephant stunned not only the beast but it also stunned Kelloggs and Sam, luckily Ryan was immune to stun and with a Mighty Roar and a Phat Bass Line he called upon the Battle Axe of Yeow and with one mighty swing of his axe he decapitated the beast.

    As blood sprayed and fluids squirted Jiga put the Elephant back in his pants and the men gathered around the now defeated corpse of the Egg Keeper. As they all said their one liners and updated their Facebook statuses they noticed the Golden Egg shimmering at the back of the room.

    As all 4 of the men did the honors of removing the Golden Egg from the Shrine a side door burst open! they were surrounded by what appeared to be an Undead Army!.......To be continued.....

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