"Southern Girl" Lyrics

I've never been to Texas
Never been to Ohio
Never really thought about it
Never cared to go
I thought I'd end up in the North
In some apartment downtown
But I'm living here in Carolina
Guess I'm a Southern Girl now

Now the lady down the street
She got a hundred thousand dogs
They're just about the ugliest of things
You ever saw
They crap right in the road
And then they chase me in my car
And when there's nothing else to do
I watch them humping in the yard

Cuz I'm a Southern Girl now
Yes I'm a Southern Girl now

I go to the diner
where the waitress calls me "Hon"
And the vegetable is macaroni
And it's overdone
Just load me full of sweet tea
Til my body starts to shake
And I won't even ask
What is a Chicken Fried Steak

Cuz I'm a Southern Girl now
Yes I'm a Southern Girl now

Well, yes I'll play you "Freebird"
It's a sacred holy hymn
Your rebel flag is lovely
And the south will rise again
That woman on your mudflaps
In her silver silhouette
My friends and I agree
Our breasts look just like that

Now, feminism isn't gonna
Make it big out here
So all you little ladies
Get this message loud and clear
It says right in the bible
It's your husband you obey
And you'll call it "family values"
When he joins the kkk

Cuz you're a Southern Girl now
Yes you're a Southern Girl now

Well, yes I'll play you "Freebird"
And I'll let you sing a part
And I love Jesse Helms
With all my Ache-y Break-y Heart
Those ten foot tires on your truck
Well mister they are huge
The car you drive is so endowed
I guess you must be too

(Asheville version:
Those ten foot tires on your truck
Will give us quite a view
When we go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth...
On Patton Avenue)

I guess you sense my sarcasm
I guess I'll tell you true
I think your truck is ugly
I think Jesse Helms is too
And I have eaten grits
Although they taste like styrofoam
And it has been suggested
That I "might-could go on home"

But I'm a Southern Girl now
Yes I'm a Southern Girl now