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    Danny Kaye / Lyrics

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    "The Maladjusted Jester" Lyrics

    Danny Kaye

    Your majesty, I have a confession
    My secret I must now betray
    I was not a born fool
    It took work to get this way

    When I was a lad I was gloomy and sad
    And I was from the day I was born
    When other lads giggled and gurgled and wiggled
    I proudly was loudly forlorn
    My friends and my family looked at me clammily
    Thought there was something amiss
    When others found various antics hilarious

    All I could manage was this? ho ho
    Or this? ho waahhh

    My father he shouted he needs to be clouted
    His teeth on a wreath I?ll hand him
    My mother she cried as she rushed to my side
    You?re a brute and you don?t understand him
    So they send for a witch with a terrible twitch
    To ask how my future impressed her
    She took one look at me and cried hehehehehe, he?
    What else could he be but a jester?
    A jester a jester, a funny idea a jester
    No butcher no baker no candlestick maker
    And me with the look of a fine undertaker
    Impressed her as a jester?

    Now where could I learn any comical turn
    That was not in a book on the shelf

    No teacher to take me and mold me and make me
    A merryman fool or an elf
    But I?m proud to recall that in no time at all
    With no other recourses but my own resources
    With firm application and determination
    I made a fool of myself!

    I bought a little gun and I learned to shoot
    I bought a little a horn and I learned to toot
    Now I can shoot and toot ain't that cute? Plbbt!

    I started to travel to try to unravel
    My mind and to find a new chance

    When I got to Spain it was suddenly plain
    That the field that appealed was the dance
    The Spanish were clannish but I wouldn't vanish
    I learned every step they had planned

    The first step of all isn't hard to recall
    Cause the first step of all is to stand
    And stand
    And stand, and stand, and stand, and stand, and
    They sometimes stand this way for days

    Then they get very mad at the floor and start to stomp on it

    [Smash! Ow!]

    After all of my practice the terrible fact is
    I made a fool of myself

    I sadly decided that dancing as I did
    To sing was a thing that was sure
    I found me a teacher a crotchety creature
    Who used to sing coloratura
    She twisted my chin pushed my diaphragm in
    With a poker she vocalized me
    When she said it was best that I threw out my chest
    You may gather that rather surprised me

    I was on solid ground till I suddenly found
    That in Venice I was to appear
    The gala locale was a choppy canal
    And me, a high sea gondolier
    I nervously perched as the gondola lurched
    Before the King?s palazzo
    As I started my song my voice it was strong
    But my stomach I fear was not so

    Oh solo mio, oh
    Oh solo ooh Help!

    When I fell overboard how his majesty roared
    And before a siesta he made me his jester
    And I found out soon that to be a buffoon
    Was a serious thing as a rule
    For a jester?s chief employment
    Is to kill himself for your enjoyment
    And a jester unemployed is nobody?s fool
    This song was submitted on August 18th, 2013 and last modified on October 18th, 2016.
    Copyright with Lyrics © Warner/chappell Music, Inc..
    Written by Sylvia Fine.
    Lyrics licensed by LyricFind.

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