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Derek And Clyde

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AboutDerek and Clive(Live) was the first genuinely philosophical album to sell more than 50 million copies. Inevitably superstardom brought problems to these two young men, whose only ambition was to run a quiet toilet. At first they invested their newfound wealth wisely. Derek installed high-class Swiss musical toilet rolls that went 'cuckoo' when pulled. Not to be outdone Clive erected quadraphonic cisterns that played Wagner when flushed. The Gents at the British Trade Centre became the talk of New York. The beautiful people flocked to 'The Ultimate Kazi.' As Clive put it so aptly, 'All the big nobs hang out here.' Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, who fist discovered them in 1973, put a great deal of pressure on them to embark on a World Tour. Staggering sums of money were offered. Derek and Clive resisted, although Derek did accept a commission to design a 'Nazi Kazi' for the National Front in Lewisham. They were also subjected to enormous pressure from fans and groupies. On one celebrated occassion in 1977 Clive was attacked by an 85-year-old woman who wanted him to sign his name on her thigh in Dayglow. Luckily his bodyguard Bruce Beame was on hand and calmed down the hysterical woman by shoving her headfirst down a lavatory. 'That's when the fan really hit the shit,' was Clive's wry comment. Derek, always a sensitive soul, developed strange phobias. He locked himself in the toilet for weeks on end watching reruns of Emmerdale Farm. He also had a morbid fear of germs and insisted on boiling his Peugeot before going for a drive. He also wanted to boil Clive who rightly insisted his mate should see a psychiatrist. Completely swarthed in Bronco, Derek went to see Dr Fritz Leprechaun on 5th Avenue. The consultation was a failure and the eminent doctor was found par-boiled in his own fish tank. Cook and Moore finally persuaded the pair to do a six-week tour of North Korea, where they have a huge cult following. Unfortunately one of the huge cults followed them back to their hotel and beat the shit out of them. Clive then turned to drugs. It seemed harmless at first. Just the occasional 'snort' of Harpic, but this escalated and he soon reached the stage that he couldn't reach the stage without massive injections of Fairy Snow and Jeyes Fluid. In October 1977 they got on what they thought was a Laker flight to Washington and found themselves in Amsterdam. This album was recorded immediately after their arrival. Despite their personal problems their inherant wisdom and decency shine through once again. Will they ever work together again? Can they resolve their artistic differences? Has stardom claimed two more victims? We may never know. Derek collapsed after the recording and Clive was last seen at a crematorium asking to be burnt alive and have his ashes scattered over Gracie Fields.

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