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    Noël Coward / Lyrics

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    "His Excellency Regrets" Lyrics

    Noël Coward

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    Oh, tell us please
    Entirely confidentially
    How A.D.C.s
    Are trained in social grace.
    It's awfully brave
    Daily to be called upon to save
    His Excellency's face!

    Any explanations
    Of the duties of an A.D.C.
    Prove the complications
    That are rife at Government House.
    Certain situations
    We could never let a lady see,
    There are strange vibrations
    In the life at Government House.
    Truth is often sacrificed for reasons of diplomacy.

    That of course we understand
    But all the same it must be grand
    To be
    So suave, so calm, so dignified!

    If you knew what all that signified-we-
    Who break the Ninth Commandment every day
    Would hang our heads in shame and say
    Forgive-we have to live
    Officially on feet of clay.
    Every minute
    We're made to sin it
    Is really very depraved,
    But to Hell
    With the lies we tell,
    His Excellency's honour must be saved.

    His Excellency regrets
    That owing to an attack of Gout
    He really dare not venture out
    On Saturday to dine.
    His Excellency regrets
    That owing to doctor's orders he
    Cannot attend the Mission tea
    And also must decline
    Your kind invitation
    For Wednesday week.
    A slight operation
    And poor circulation
    Combined with a weedy physique
    Has made him unable to speak.
    All this in addition to what
    The Doctors describe as a 'Clot'
    Which may disappear
    By the end of the year
    But may, very possibly, not!
    His Excellency regrets
    That owing to his exalted state
    He can no more associate
    With amiable brunettes.
    Walk up-walk up-we're willing to take your bets
    That that's one of the principal things His Excellency regrets!

    So now we know
    About the Diplomatic Corps,
    How it can so
    Corrupt the soul of youth.
    What happens if
    Some day you give the waiting world a whiff
    Of plain, unvarnished truth?

    His Excellency regrets
    That, failing a better alibi,
    He must admit he'd rather die
    Than open your Bazaar.
    His Excellency regrets
    That, lacking enough official scope,
    He can't disband the Band of Hope
    No matter where they are.
    He frankly despises
    The people he rules,
    His gorge also rises
    When giving the prizes
    At co-educational schools
    To rows of illiterate fools.
    And if you should write in the book
    He'll give you a murderous look.
    For it ruins his day
    To be taken away
    From his rod and his line and his hook!
    His Excellency regrets
    He hasn't enough to run the house
    Or pay the staff-or feed a mouse
    Upon the pay he gets
    Heigho-heigho-he's up to his ears in debts
    But that's one of the least of the things His Excellency regrets!
    This song was submitted on November 17th, 2013 and last modified on November 28th, 2016.
    Copyright with Lyrics © Warner/chappell Music, Inc..
    Written by Noel Coward, Noel Pierce Coward.
    Lyrics licensed by LyricFind.

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