"Slap And Tickle" Lyrics

She was frigid like a Bible when she met her boyfriend Michael
He took her in his zephyr, they sat like salt and pepper
Looking out across the city from lover's leap it's pretty
The lights they flick and flutter, he told her how he loved her
Next night he called for her but Dad protected daughter
And told him she was poorly a lie was told there surely
So Michael felt rejected, this wasn't quite expected
He drove off to his local where he felt antisocial

She cried all night at missing the boy she could be kissing
While he was falling over, he drunk himself back sober
And went home in a taxi and crashed out in the back seat
He slept just like a baby which he hadn't done just lately
He saw her in the morning out with his sister Pauline
She felt all shy and soppy, he acted cool and cocky
He said tonight at Charlie's there's gonna be a party
I'll meet you at half seven, she visualized a heaven

If you ever change your mind
Which you do from time to time
Never chew a pickle
With a little slap and tickle
You have to throw a stone
To get the pool to ripple

That night they danced together it looked like love forever
He put his hand on her leg, you should have heard what she said
He tried again much later, it seemed to aggravate her
He drove home in silence avoiding more violence
She said let's watch the city from lover's leap it's pretty
I think I need the fresh air, she put a comb through her hair
They parked she turned to kiss him and very nearly missed him
Then put her hand on his leg he felt her tongue in his hair

If you ever change your mind
Which you do from time to time
Never chew a pickle
With a little slap and tickle
You have to throw a stone
To get the pool to ripple