"The Randomly Random Rap" Lyrics

Ok, I opened up my microwave,
To show you guys I'm really rigged.
I crawled into a cave, and shaved my whole entire beard off,
but wait! I don't have a beard.
It must've gotten smeared, I feared.
I'm weird, so I just dissapeared.
I saw a bunch of ants.
They made me poop my pants,
cause I'm scared of plants,
they try to kill me.
While I'm takin' a pee, in the middle of my yard,
I got stung by a bee on my anus; now I'm starved!
I can't even walk, or talk, or do the stanky leg,
so I just bought egg, and I named it Greg.
I eat like a dinosoar when I'm on the floor,
and I never really snore, when I'm walkin' through the store.
Cause it's rude and I'm not in the mood.
Dude, I look like melon.
Ellen, put me on your show, bro.
Woah! Is that a toe?
No, it's a can of tuna, and you are my kahuna.
I like to smell fowers.
They give super powers.
My grandma is the best; she always buys me Crest.
So I went on a quest, to look for Kanye West.
I licked a battery, and then I bought this dog!
I don't like cats. They make me think of rats.
And also baseball bats.
I'm crazy, but not really lazy.
I'm a hazy little dazy when you slap me in the face.
I really like to chace squirrels.
So I ate this peace of grass, cause it looked like a bass.
I fainted, then I woke up and my hair was really green.
What the heck? I'm watchen Star Trek.
I'm a wreck.
Tech Deck.
QuickChek is the best store in the world!
I don't like Twilight, but I want to fly a kite at the Jersey Shore,
but not with Snooki, she's a whale, and I never owned a snail
cause they're slow.
My puppet has a big sick nasty fro!
I own a pizza box, and rocks.
My socks are awesome.
I have this really big pillow in my room,
and it smells like perfume.
Actually my toilet, well it doesn't really matter.
I just climbed up a ladder.
SAID: Oh crap! I do not know how to get down!
I am a beast with the breath of a donkey.
I brush two times a day to keep the doctor away.
Oh yes I own my own gun.
I shoot it at the sun.
It's fun to run in circles when you're bored.
Yo, I'm a gangster, son.
(laughs)
Oh my goodness! Is that a whale?
I walk down the street, while I carry lots of meat.
I'm beat, so I'm gonna tweet about my smelly feet.
I wash them with soap.
It gives me some of hope that someday they'll actually smell
like a real rope.
That didn't make sense.
I found fifty cents.
Picture laying on the ground,
so now I'm gonna pound my fist into this wall.
Ouch! I really do like raisins!
Check it.