"If You Open Your Mind Too Much Your Brain Will Fall Out (Take My Wife)" Lyrics

If anyone can show me one example in the history of the world
Of a single psychic who has been able to prove
Under reasonable experimental conditions
That they are able to read minds

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world
Of a single astrologer who has been able to prove
Under reasonable experimental conditions
That they can predict events by interpreting celestial signs

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world
Of a single Homoeopathic Practitioner who has been able to prove
Under reasonable experimental conditions
That solutions made up of infinitely tiny particles of good stuff
Dissolved repeatedly into relatively huge quantities of water
Has a consistently higher medicinal value
Than a similarly administered placebo

And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world
Of a single spiritual or religious person who has been able to show
Either empirically or logically the existence of a higher power
With has any consciousness or interest in the human race or ability to
Punish or reward humans for there moral choices or that there is any
Reason other than fear to believe in any version of an afterlife

I'll give you my piano, one of my legs, and my wife