"Merchandisers" Lyrics

Whether you are pro or anti
Or could not care less
We are here to tell you
We are here to sell you chess
Not a chance of you escaping from our wiles
We've locked the doors, we've blocked the aisles
We've a franchise worth exploiting
And we will - yes we will!
When it comes to merchandising
We could kill

When you get up -
When you get up in the morning
Till you crash at night
You will have to live your life
With bishop, rook and knight
Clean your teeth with chequered toothpaste
Wear our vests
Our kings and queens on bouncing breasts

You could even buy a set
And learn to play
We don't mind we'll sell you something
Anyway

We've done all our market research
And our findings show
That this game of chess could be around
A month or so
Maybe it's a bit confusing
For a game
But Rubik's Cubes were much the same
In the end the whole world bought one
All were gone
By which time we merchandisers
Had moved on

By which time we had moved on!