"Hardcore Max" Lyrics

His name is Max and he's going to school
He doesn't wear a helmet 'cause he's so cool
He keeps his helmet on his bars
Darts out randomly in front of cars

Talks on his phone while rollin' down the street
He even has a girlfriend, isn't that sweet!?
He hits on chicks even if they're skanky
He smells his pits and they're hella stinky!

Okay, I just need to clarify one motherfucking thing
Max is a badass motherfucker
If you don't fucking believe me
Then look at his motherfucking helmet on his motherfucking handlebars
Holy shit, that guy is hardcore!
Oh yeah, and he swears a shitload
And everyone knows that's fucking awesome!

What's this? is this is a hardcore part? Yeah! Just like Max!

His name is Max!
He doesn't wear a helmet!
He keeps it on his handlebar!
He's failing all his classes!
And he's only ten?!

What? I thought he was like twenty-six
So you're telling me that I wrote this badass song about a ten year old?!

You know what?
I don't care if he's ten, or fifty, or even a friggin' baby
He's still more hardcore than I'll ever be, and I'm thirty-two!

Wait, Max! Watch out for your helmet!
Max didn't wear his helmet
Now he has suffered a concussion
And he will be in a coma for the next three weeks
But it was worth it because
Helmets make you look really geeky.
Why do I sound like a bad rip-off
Of the Red Hot Chili Peppers?